


When We Crumble

by Yamino_Yama



Category: Banana Fish
Genre: Frottage, Intercrural Sex, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 12:35:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13704576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yamino_Yama/pseuds/Yamino_Yama
Summary: Ash can tell that Eiji is holding back desire for him and he'd do anything for Eiji, but for the longest time he's had an aversion to sex. That is, until now, when Eiji has stirred feelings in him, giving Ash a reason to try something that will be new and (hopefully) fulfilling for the both of them.





	When We Crumble

**Author's Note:**

> I am a rather (very) new fan to Banana Fish. With the anime announcement in October, I immediately gave the manga a read and got heartbroken, fell in love, and got heartbroken all over again within a couple months. I'm glad I experienced such a masterpiece late rather than never. Now I'm excitedly waiting for the anime so I can experience the beautifully painstaking ride again with voice acting, music, color, and motion. In the meantime, I'm re-reading my manga and when inspiration strikes, I'll write little pieces like this. I hope you enjoy this imagined behind-the-scenes moment.

The night started with my bandaging his wounds, and then touching his scars. It was nothing new. I'd run my hands over them before, asking where they came from and when. Some Ash showed a bit of pride for, making him boost with words like, 'thought they could hit a vital but I was too quick for 'em.' Others made him grow silent and put an end to my ventures. I'd feel bad but I knew that Ash needed to talk, sometimes when he didn't want to. I was patient enough to wait until he was ready, with all things. This night was a bit different.

Perhaps my touch was different, like my thoughts, but tracing a knife wound on Ash's stomach made him moan, a small sound but it startled us both. I stopped, started to move away, but Ash grabbed my hand. He met my eyes for a moment then looked away with a light blush to his cheeks. "You can keep going. It's okay."

I didn't quite believe him, so I asked, "Are you sure this is okay?"

"Geez, you're stubborn, Eiji," Ash said, smirking. "Do I have to write you an invitation or something? Just go ahead!"

So I did, keeping my touch feather light, in hopes of hearing that sound again. And soon I did, from both of us. Touches spurned us closer until we were caressing, Ash still only shirtless with me fully clothed but neither of us looking like we wanted to stay that way.

Ash's face was blank but his eyes were swirling with a mix of dolefulness and hope. For the second time, I tried to move away. "I don't want to hurt you," Ash confessed, "or change you into someone like me."

I tilted my head. "What does that mean?"

"I can tell you've never done anything like this before. I had a feeling that time I kissed you that I was taking away a first from you. Now, for me to drain all the innocence from you . . . What's that face for?"

I was scowling, couldn't help it because here he was treating me like a child again. "There is some innocence I don’t mind losing." I change my wording when I feel I've confused him. "I wanted to see the world, grow up, and that's why I felt Japan, to see the world outside of myself. And I met you."

Ash's hand moved like it wanted to find and cup my face but returned to Ash's side before finishing the journey. He wanted to say something more. I waited. Many compared Ash to big cats because of his ferocity in times of peril, but few would know he was more of a housecat in comfortable settings. Waiting for him to approach was important. Trying to pet him when he wasn't prepared would get anyone else a scratch, but for me Ash just retreated in a dark space with his fur fluffed and eyes wide, in time coming out of hiding and rubbing against me for a pat. He was adorable for me and I didn't want to break his trust.

"I would . . . kind of like to be the first to get so close to you," Ash whispered, "so that you won't forget me."

There was the fire coursing through me again, hot anger making passion. I slapped Ash's face between my hands and made him look at me. "I could never forget you. You are never going to vanish. Like your scars, some things are permanent." When Ash still appeared doubtful, I continued. "If finding you was the reason fate led me from Japan, then being apart from you is the reason I can't go back alone. You are tattooed on my soul. You are here." I took Ash's hand and smoothed it over my hair to indicate he was in my head, my memory. "And here," I added, placing Ash's hand over my chest where my heart would be.

Still against my chest, Ash's hand curled into a fist and I began wondering if Ash could measure how fast my heart was beating. "You really want this don't you?" Ash asked.

My face warmed as I grew self-conscious. "I want to be as close to you as I can."

"You can top me if you want. I don't want to hurt you."

"I don't want to hurt you either, and I don't know what to do so . . ." We were going around in circles, wanting and not wanting, be certain and being unsure.

"I've only ever been used for penetration and blow jobs," Ash said. "I know about other ways. Never tried them though."

"Let's try them," I decided. "That way this will be a first for both of us."

The first hint of sheer joy graced Ash's face, a smile that dazzled as it reached his eyes. "Okay, so, you'll want to take everything off." I began to strip, feeling Ash's gaze. He was part impressed that I was doing what he asked without contradiction and part . . . what? 'Enchanted' is the word my mind wanted to label that look. I'd felt and shown it myself when following Ash, I knew.

Ash got fully undressed when I was finished. There was an awkwardness hanging over us as we both tried to work out how to proceed. When'd been naked around each other before but never after voicing, displaying desire. Ash lay back down and I did all I'd learned how: brushing my lips to his, flicking them with my tongue. It sparked an immediate change in Ash and we were wrestling together again, kisses going from hesitate to urgent.

Ash flipped onto his belly. "Get on top of me. It's okay," he added when I hesitated. "You're going to rub yourself against me, between my thighs. Just align yourself and—" He gasped. "There you go," he praised as I began to move.

Ash's sweat and mine made the sliding go smoothly. It wasn't hard to imagine I was in Ash, really in him. Surrounded by him, warm and tight and soft, I let my fantasies run wild as Ash began moaning, likely enjoying his own. The pressure and closeness were almost too much and I bent to nibble at the back of Ash's neck, making him moan louder, more frequent. I was close.

Before I could finish, Ash interrupted by parting his legs. Turning to face me, Ash took my hand and wrapped it around his part and mine. My face got impossibly hotter. "Now, rub us together," Ash said.

I did as asked, watching Ash's face contort with pleasure. He was so beautiful. Everyone knew and recognized his outward beauty. I felt lucky to be one of the few who knew that he was beautiful inside and out. My breaths came out as huffs, with Ash's ragged breathing joining in, until we both released. We collapsed side by side, the two of us still heaving, seeing rainbows, stars, galaxies of wonder, because, God, it was amazing. At least, I thought so. I turned to look at Ash.

He wasn't looking at me.

His eyes were on the ceiling as Ash mumbled. "I've done it so many times. That wasn’t sex."

This took me aback. Had I done something wrong? "Did I hurt you after all? Sorry."

Ash finally turned to me, finally let his hand caress my cheek. "No more 'sorry,' remember?" Ash rebuked me. "I've told you that you say it too much." I nodded but couldn't meet his eyes until he continued. "That wasn't what I meant anyway. That wasn't sex because . . . because it was something a thousand times better. I've never felt this way in my life."

His voice got little, almost breaking, in his last words and I stayed still, not wanting to miss what else he might say, enjoying my Ash showing his true golden color.

"God, Eiji, how? How do you take all the bad in the world and make it good?"

I chuckled at that. Him . . . making me sound like the special one. "To me, you _are_ all the good in the world."

We said nothing more.

Nights after we took to sharing a bed, just staying close, not doing anything beyond holding hands or letting our eyes gaze and linger on each other, keeping mere centimeters between our lips as we whispered in the dark. There was no other night like the one we shared after closing the distance. But neither of us could forget. Neither of us wanted to.

We knew that with the lives we were living, running, fighting to survive, we had to stay strong as boulders. Only when we had freedom would we be allowed to crumble again. We thought of that moment, and smiled.

END

**Author's Note:**

> I now have a twitter! To know more about me and see updates on more fics follow @Yamino_Yama


End file.
